there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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