The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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