So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize