Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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