The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
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Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
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I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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