Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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