This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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