is your mom at the bar?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize