Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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