I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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