i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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