It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize