seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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