Im at strip club and am horny
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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