I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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