she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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