Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize