I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize