I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize