I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize