and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize