i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize