I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
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I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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