i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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