Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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