Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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