Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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