I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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