then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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