i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
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So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
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Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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