Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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