I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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