Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
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I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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