Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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