I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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