Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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