the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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