I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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