Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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