everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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