i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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