why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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