good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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