my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
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