why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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