Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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