life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize