Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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