small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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