i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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